The Abraxi Taxi Taxicopter

The Fourth of July fireworks in St. Augustine are rather impressive, and thousands flock to the Ancient City to enjoy the display.

Unfortunately, traffic soon backs up, and even the most knowledgeable hackney driver can become lost in a labyrinth of gridlock.

To avoid these delays and provide timely service, Abraxi Taxi has decided to park our taxi vans and introduce the new Nissan Taxicopter.

Our taxi pilots are reasonably familiar with these innovative air taxis, so there is little reason for concern.

As an added safety feature, each vehicle will have pontoons attached. In case of pilot error, we can make an emergency landing in the Matanzas River.

For your enjoyment, we will provide an open bar, complete buffet and assorted party favors.

Passengers are encouraged to dress appropriately and wear very comfortable shoes. I promise to hover as close to your destination as possible before dropping you—our taxi fare.

So when you're sitting at the Tini Martini Bar watching bumper-to-bumper traffic crawl through downtown, be assured that Abraxi air transportation is only seconds away.

Visit our website for rates, reviews, helipad locations and a complete directory of safe grassy knolls near your home.

Mr. Scott will be our dispatcher.

If all else fails, we will put the transporter into service.

Scotty, beam me up. The taxi services in St. Augustine are overloaded, we're off the grid, and I'm running out of dilithium crystals, Captain.

Meanwhile, Back on Planet Earth...

Abraxi Taxi does not currently own a taxicopter.

We don't own a transporter either.

But on the Fourth of July in St. Augustine, there are times when I sincerely wish we did.

Enjoy Independence Day in the nation's oldest city. Expect long waits and difficult traffic. Wear comfortable shoes and be prepared to walk.

For those we're able to take into town, we'll do our best to get you safely back home.

And if Nissan ever actually builds the Taxicopter, Abraxi wants the first one.

Abraxi Taxiom: When traffic becomes impossible, invent a helicopter.