Taxi Technology Has Come a Long Way

There was a time when accepting a credit card from the back seat of a taxi wasn't as simple as tapping a phone.

Years ago, Abraxi Taxi used a handheld credit-card machine that depended on the telephone system to process a payment. During major St. Augustine events, those systems could become overloaded.

One particularly busy concert weekend, we warned passengers to carry cash because we weren't confident our credit-card reader would be able to connect. We had experienced the same problem during the Fourth of July, when heavy demand overwhelmed communications and even some local ATMs ran out of cash.

That was the taxi business before today's mobile payment technology.

Eventually, services such as Square and smartphones made accepting electronic payments considerably easier. What once required a separate machine, a reliable connection and occasionally a little prayer can now happen in seconds.

Technology has changed transportation in plenty of other ways too. GPS replaced folded maps. Smartphones replaced dispatch radios for many tasks. Customers went from calling landlines to finding transportation online.

But one thing hasn't changed much: when thousands of people leave a St. Augustine concert at the same time, every driver in town gets busy.

Sometimes the old days weren't necessarily better. They just made for better stories.

Abraxi Taxiom: Always carry a little cash. Technology has a sense of humor.

Taxi Etiquette: How to Become a Superior Taxi Fare

We field many calls every day. We try to take care of our VIPs first. These are the customers who have been with us since the beginning of Abraxi Taxi, almost ten years ago.

Our next priority is locals, followed by the many tourists who visit us here in St. Augustine, Florida.

However, if we picked you up and dropped you somewhere in the Ancient City, we feel an obligation not to leave you stranded—no matter where or what time. So please listen to what the dispatcher is putting down to help ensure your safe and timely trip home.

We do not surge price. Generally, what you paid coming in will be about what you fork over on the return trip.

What I'd like to address here is a little taxi etiquette: what the dispatcher needs to know and what separates the average passenger from the superior taxi fare.

The Superior Taxi Fare

The superior customer gives us three important pieces of information: where you are, how many people are in your party, and where you want to go.

Sometimes customers call ahead and arrange what we call a time call. If you're calling from a noisy bar or restaurant, find a quieter spot before calling. The dispatcher actually needs to hear you.

And when we pull up at the appointed time, these incredible humans will be ready to go.

If you give us the “I'll be right out” finger and then disappear for fifteen minutes, you may receive the “Merry Christmas middle digit” in return.

The most exceptional taxi riders are punctual.

These wondrous creatures would also never attempt to eat or smoke in their divine chariot. Personal hygiene tasks should preferably be completed before your designated driver arrives.

Upon Decabbing

After paying the freight, these awesome demi-gods thoroughly check that they have their phones, wallets, purses, keys and other belongings before leaving the cab.

If Houston has a problem and your driver experiences technical difficulties or gets caught in St. Augustine traffic, the superior customer keeps a phone nearby and answers our call or text.

They do not call repeatedly under the assumption that this will somehow make the taxi travel faster.

We cannot control traffic.

We cannot control the quirky Bridge of Lions.

We cannot control the crazy traffic patterns around the Plaza de la Constitución.

Repeated telephone calls have yet to change any of these things.

When Plans Go Awry

We understand that even the best-laid plans go awry.

But calling to cancel your taxi while we're pulling into your driveway is unacceptable and may subject you to apocryphal retribution.

Sometimes a customer asks for a price and decides we're too expensive. That's okay.

I understand that some taxi companies may charge less.

But please don't tell me what another company charges.

Just take that company.

The Seven Virtues of the Superior Taxi Fare

The keys to becoming a superior taxi customer are:

Brevity. Clarity. Punctuality. Generosity. Loyalty. Patience. Good nature.

We understand that people get sick, have bad days and occasionally wake up on the wrong side of life.

But being miserable, irascible and ill-mannered every day cannot possibly be good for your mental health—or help you move forward on this wonderful journey we call life.

Treat your driver well. Be ready when the cab arrives. Communicate clearly. Check your belongings.

And we'll do our best to get you where you need to go.

Abraxi Taxiom: Lyft above the hype

Eating Babies will stop any immigration full stop!

Archive Note — 2026: I wrote this as deliberately outrageous political satire, loosely inspired by Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal. Swift’s 1729 essay used the grotesque idea of selling poor Irish children as food to attack the dehumanization of poor people. This piece uses the same basic device against the immigration politics of its own time. It is satire, not advocacy—and yes, I was considerably angrier when I wrote it.

Eating Babies will stop any immigration full stop!

My days have been hectic and as I try to gain power, I realize that my ultimate boss really wants to make a statement on immigrants, the crueler the better. I remember that he is very happy when people are dehumanized. And he never seems a more stable genius then when suffering immigrants are the daily headline. The harsher the environment the better off we at the White House are at least for the short term.

I was able to find a ‘Modest Proposal’ from one of the internet’s first tweeters, Jonathan Swift, he railed against the poor Irish people and was trying to build a wall to keep them out of his country. We will build the wall and have the haggis loving Scots pay for it from a tariff on golf resorts.

The darn Scots reneged, and Mel Gibson told him to bugger off, so he with a stiffened upper lip, devised a plan to help both sides. Not only would the Irish immigrants be able to feed themselves better they could also reduce trade deficits by selling their extra children as a gourmet item to our elites for fancy parties. Puts new meaning into Mexican cuisine; or, save to indulge in those other darker appetites, for later in life. Remember they changed from Penn State to BYU ‘bring them young’.

Swift would later be granted trademarks on cooking attire, methods and the first Suzy homemaker oven. ‘ I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricasie, or a ragoust.’

Mr. Swift was one of the first Twitter trolls that believed domestic violence would decrease as husbands would be reluctant to treat the women poorly as they now could sell their precious cargo. He also believed that abortions would end with mothers bringing forth a needed commodity. The boss is going to love him.

He blamed the mothers and women for all the ills of the world. And these young women could also be persuaded to perform massages with happy endings.

Many people tell me that he was also an original Evangelical Christian, being ordained in the state-run Anglican Church, perhaps we can somehow start this practice over here, overturn separation of church and state, via executive fiat. @swiftlyconsumeyoungflesh would fit in very well with the current religious/political climate. ‘There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent those abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their bastard children, alas, too frequent among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to avoid the expense than the shame.’

This should work on many fronts. We certainly will stop illegal entry into our country, once we separate the family’s, because love the one you eat is one hell of a deterrent Secondly the misogyny should certainly be appealing, lastly we can start a religious state and domestic abuse and abortion will be all but eliminated.

My guy loves the stock market so we could buy and sell these children on the exchanges. There might be a separate market for white meat. Think of all the start ups the capitalist can create. Besides the long-term benefits for the rich pedophile, my favorite is baby skin purses, or a nice whiskey flask for those chilly hunting weekends?

Now how can I get this idea traction? All I need is a retweet from JR., or some other social media giants assembled at our summit. Talk about throwing red meat to hoards! Eating and selling babies solves so many problems and should ensure victory in 2020.By the time my guy leaves office the statutes of limitations should have run its course for our crimes against humanity, if not then my pardon is in the safe.

2014 — “Florida Taxi Driver: Uber Drivers Union and Why They Should Unionize” — DEAD EXTERNAL LINK

Florida Taxi Driver: Uber Drivers Union and Why they should Unionize

Archive note (2026): This 2014 post originally linked to a Florida taxi driver's article discussing Uber drivers and unionization. The original external article is no longer available.

Abraxi Taxi

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The Abraxi Taxi Taxicopter

The Fourth of July fireworks in St. Augustine are rather impressive, and thousands flock to the Ancient City to enjoy the display.

Unfortunately, traffic soon backs up, and even the most knowledgeable hackney driver can become lost in a labyrinth of gridlock.

To avoid these delays and provide timely service, Abraxi Taxi has decided to park our taxi vans and introduce the new Nissan Taxicopter.

Our taxi pilots are reasonably familiar with these innovative air taxis, so there is little reason for concern.

As an added safety feature, each vehicle will have pontoons attached. In case of pilot error, we can make an emergency landing in the Matanzas River.

For your enjoyment, we will provide an open bar, complete buffet and assorted party favors.

Passengers are encouraged to dress appropriately and wear very comfortable shoes. I promise to hover as close to your destination as possible before dropping you—our taxi fare.

So when you're sitting at the Tini Martini Bar watching bumper-to-bumper traffic crawl through downtown, be assured that Abraxi air transportation is only seconds away.

Visit our website for rates, reviews, helipad locations and a complete directory of safe grassy knolls near your home.

Mr. Scott will be our dispatcher.

If all else fails, we will put the transporter into service.

Scotty, beam me up. The taxi services in St. Augustine are overloaded, we're off the grid, and I'm running out of dilithium crystals, Captain.

Meanwhile, Back on Planet Earth...

Abraxi Taxi does not currently own a taxicopter.

We don't own a transporter either.

But on the Fourth of July in St. Augustine, there are times when I sincerely wish we did.

Enjoy Independence Day in the nation's oldest city. Expect long waits and difficult traffic. Wear comfortable shoes and be prepared to walk.

For those we're able to take into town, we'll do our best to get you safely back home.

And if Nissan ever actually builds the Taxicopter, Abraxi wants the first one.

Abraxi Taxiom: When traffic becomes impossible, invent a helicopter.